And now a boobie story....

I was told by my sweet friend Shannon that I need to put the funny stories I tell her on my blog, so here it goes.

First, the not so happy part of the story. I started experiencing some very bad pain in my left breast. I went to a new general family doctor (what a way to meet, "Hi my name is Delilah, can you fell my boob and let me know what's going on") since I couldn't get in to see my ob/gyn for a week. The Doctor checked me out, with both of my children watching since I got the 10:40 appt at 9:15 that day, and informed me in his deep doctor voice "Yep, you've got a nice size lump at 6 o'clock". Now, I have never thought of my boobs like a clock but yes the area that hurts would be at 6 o'clock. The doctor also informed me in his deep voice "good news is it hurts, its the ones that don't hurt that we worry about". As I am sitting on the table in my paper half shirt that my two year old is lifting up (I think he wanted to make sure the doctor didn't do anything to his built in pillows) thinking back to a few moments ago when the doctor was almost punched in the face while he was probing the "nice size lump" I am not real happy about the pain even if it's a good thing. I was then informed that I will have to be scheduled for a diagnostic mammogram so he can see the "nice size lump" before he can decide on the next course of action. I asked is there anything I can do to help with the pain. Just so you know, its a constant dull pain and when I move wrong or lift my arm or have a two year old use my boob as his pillow it throbs with jabbing pain and when I try to sleep it hurts even worse. Gravity sucks when you have a pain in the boob. The doctor gladly gave me pain medicine. So while I'm getting dressed (side note my four year old wanted to keep the cool paper half shirt so she could use it when she plays doctor) I am thinking how exactly do I take pain medicine and function plus properly supervise my children. You guessed it, you don't. So pain medicine is only for night night time. (another side note it doesn't help) The doctor comes back in and takes me to his nurse to schedule the mammogram.

Here's the funny part. The nurse looks at me and checks out the girls and nice as can be says "SO THOSE ARE IMPLANTS, RIGHT" I look at her and say "No, no implants they're real" and she replies "Oh really." I have 38DD boobs that have been through two rounds of breast feeding got up to 40G's during said breast feeding and are saggy as all get out. So the nurse schedules my appointment for a mammogram, begins to explain it all to me and stops mid-sentence and says "I don't need to tell you this you've had these before, right?" I look at her, pause and say "No, I'm only 33 and they aren't a required test yet." Again she says, "Oh really." So in one day I was told that I have a "nice size lump", I have implants and look old enough to be required to have yearly mammograms. All I can say is I love God. On a day that was stressful and painful God provided me my own comedy relief. Every time I wanted to cry I thought about my implants and stopped. God knew what I needed to stop myself from drowning in a sea of despair. A big safety ring of implants and 6 o'clock lumps. Thank you God.

I will keep everyone updated on the mammogram and the 6 o'clock lump. Or as Mattie says "my mommies sore booooobbbbieeeee", she really likes saying it because it makes me laugh and her giggle. I will also try and post more funny stories and tomorrow I will try and post our back to school haircut picture and that fun story. It involves me losing my temper and calling a corporate headquarters, three hair cuts and my son stripping in the hair cut place while my daughter hides under the chairs laughing. Fun times!